So I rarely sleep. But when I do I have these weird dreams about the future. I tend to have many dreams about my 3 kids, twin boys and one girl, and my husband. Here's the weird thing, I can always see the faces of my kids, never my husband. It's like good man upstairs has one great sense of humor.
I've had some fun dreams. I was telling some of my coworkers about one of my dreams about how how my husband abandoned us 4 at a ski resort. We weren't upset at all because we were at a ski resort. But the kicker was when my husband took all our gear and left. So then it became bad. I wish that this was the only time I've had a dream like this but it's not. My husband became jealous and I being the tender hearted person that I am, I believed that he would come back for us. Which he did, but then he made the comment that he sold our snowboards and only got $200 for it. I broke his headlights and my sons smashed his windshield and windows. So he had some pretty valid reasons to leave us on that mountain. And I'd like to think that it was good that he left.
Since I've had that dream I've had 2 others that woke me in a cold sweat. I couldn't see his face and my subconscious wanted to know who he was, so I spend a good 8 hours trying to figure out who this man that I love was. I wanted to know, for 2 reasons. One, to know who I feel like I'm supposed to fall in love with and get married and have children. And two, I want to know why in my dreams he always leaves.
So it's nice that even in my dreams it seems like things fall apart in my dreams and actual life and it's not always sunshine and rainbows. In one of my latest dreams, it was about when I first meet my husband and the second one was of him getting in a terrible accident. Both of which scared me awake. I awoke crying, fearing that this could actually happen. I could find the love of my life and live what would be a happy life to having my happiness end so quickly.
My husband was driving my jeep, and he was out running errands and he was cut off and to avoid a serious collision he turned sharply and the jeep axel snaps. Causing the wheels to flip out at a high rate of speed. He rolls the jeep and not wearing a seatbelt he was ejected. They rushed him to the hospital where one of my friends working notified me and told me to come quickly. He was in a coma and had absolutely no brain activity. I had to decide to pull the plug knowing that he would never wake up. Knowing that the love of my life was gone. Knowing that the father of my children gone. Everything we had hoped for and dreamt of becoming.... gone.
I empathize so much with anyone that has ever had to go through that. I was a mess all day after waking from that dream. I have yet to want to fall back to sleep because of it. Mostly because a lot of the dreams that I have do actually happen. So if someone could elaborate upon these dreams that would be so cool. But I feel like I'm living a story straight out of a book. I feel like I want to keep turning the pages, but I don't know when the book ends. Wouldn't it be amazing to have a manual for this kind of stuff? Yeah it really would, but we're SOL and I guess that at the end of the day we keep going forward. Even with all the odds against us. Even with terrible cards that we have in our hands we still have to keep playing. Make someone call our bluff. But even when we have a terrible hand we still have to play. We honestly can't fold. We only have one hand to play.
*sorry for the poker analogy, I have a poker problem*
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