I've opened this blog once a week since my last post and have had the hardest time trying to type how I feel. But each time I've pulled out my laptop with something on my mind I know exactly what I'm going to say and how I'm going to write it, but as soon as it comes to me typing it all out it just doesn't work. I can't get my words to flow as if I was talking to my best friend, or even just a friend.
So I'm going to try something, so stay with me ok?
I have this problem.
I can't stand the judgement that is given out on any day of the week, particularly on Sunday. I can't stand when I see GOOD people be torn down for something they did months or years ago. I can't stand that first impressions are already over before two people actually meet.
The bigger issue:
I see it happen every day. I go to church, and people I haven't even met yet already know that I choose not to go to church and instead sleep and go to work. People already know so much about me. And this isn't just with me I see the whispers as someone gets up to bear their testimony and maybe their dress isn't pretty, or their hair a mess. I see this when someone demonstarates their talents and maybe messes up do to nerves, and people chuckle and make fun. I CANT STAND IT!
I will forever live the beliefs and standards of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and the covenants I've made. But it makes it difficult to go and sit in church week in and week out to be with people who don't. We accept people who aren't perfect and struggle. But instead of people being welcoming to those visitors, we poke and make fun. What a better way to make someone feel welcome than to sit behind that person and whisper.
It doesn't just happen at church, it happens outside. I see people all the time pissed off that LGBTQ people have a march or are getting married or even kissing. Like, did you not remember where we were counceled to LOVE EVERYONE?? That means even people we don't share ideals or beliefs with. We're not supposed to go out and protest gay marriage even though we believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. We shouldn't be disgusted that someone has feelings for someone of the same gender. We should be welcoming and letting them know that it must be hard and loving them for who they are! But that's not what happens.
I had a gentleman who opened up to me and another person who was supposed to be his best friend, but instead, she shamed him. I have never been more disgusted with her than any other person. Do you know how hard it was for that gentleman to come out and say those words out loud? But that girl instead stopped hanging out with us, and slowly cut ties with him. She claimed she was LDS but I hate to say it, that's not what the LDS doctrine is about. We are taught that we are to love everyone. We are taught that no matter sexual orentation, color, political offiation, or what ever you put on your toast in the morning, you are loved.
I just can't get over it. You have these people who party every Saturday night and show up on Sunday to bless the sacrament, and your relief society pres, well she had her tongue down some dude off Tinder's throat. *YSA Ward* I just don't get it. I do I really, do think that things can be forgotten and looked past, but these are the same people who see the people from the shelter sitting on the back pews at church and they whisper about them. These goodie goodie girls that all walk in together and sit next to each other who criticize the pianist for missing a note won't ever get up there and play...
Its just so damn hard being a single twenty-something and having to go to a singles ward and push through. I see and hear all of this and pass judgement myself. I think, those girls making fun of the pianist, they're just cowards who don't have the coconuts to get up and play each Sunday, or are talent less and are jealous. I see those homeless people from the shelter come in too and sit on the back row. I ponder if they're good people or just people looking for a piece of bread and a drink of water, or just people looking for a cool place to hang. I do it too, and no I'm not perfect.
I just don't get it, Why are we the way we are?
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