Who Am I?

Hey,
Its ya girl Mel.
Ya know big mouth..one with a sailors tongue.
loose cannon,
makes too many jokes, -- esp when they shouldn't be made
smart ass Mel.
laughs too much
But lets not forget,

Mel,
The girl who will give ya the shirt off her back
Someone who would take a bullet for ya not even knowing who you are
Someone who will stay up all day even if she works the next morning, to be with you because you need a friend.
Someone who doesn't know how to not let her emotions get the best of her.
Someone who overthinks every tedious thing.

Ya know me, but I didn't know who I was until a hot minute ago.

A couple years ago I was asked, "Who are you Mel?"
And with my normal reaction, I said "Melanie Mother f(reak)ing Florence."
They said, "No, who are YOU."
Well, I didn't know. I mean I've always been the same Me. But I didn't know who I was. I know who I wanted to be, well rather what I wanted to do with my life. Ya know, the canned answers, go to school, get a degree, get a career, start a family, live happily ever after. Ya know, that whole mumbo jumbo.

So over the course of a few years I've finally found who I am. And I couldn't give a damn about what you think, just kidding I do give a damn, because that's who I am. I am a people pleaser. That's why I'm the center of attention, thats why I'm the person who cracks jokes, that's why I laugh the loudest, thats just why I'm the loudest in general.

I know that I believe in god and all that fun stuff...but I know that when I'm sitting in a pew I don't feel happy. I know that when I went to the temple it was the greatest feeling and place to be...but when I walk into church I feel so awful and bad about life and people surrounding me. I know that I should try harder to not mind what people think, but I want to appease people (keep reading). I know that every SINGLE person has a right and opinion. They have the agency to chose who they are, I know that if you try to tell me that gays don't have the same rights as us heterosexuals youre wrong. I know that some people don't think the same way as I do, that that's okay...as much as I think I'm right, others may be right.

I know that life doesn't begin the moment youre born. Life is so much more and happens much sooner than that. But I know that I am someone who believes that not everything is Black and White. There is so much grey area.. My criminal justice professors hate me because I identify as a republican, but agree with various things on the Liberal side of politics. I AM A Grey Person...

I learned that I love too hard, and hold onto too much. I can't let people go like I say I do. If you wronged me or I wronged you and "cut you off" chances are that I think about whatever you done and whatever I did to have you not part of my life. I just like to hold on. But the obstacles I've gone through, see previous posts, have taught me to build walls.

OH, PS, WALLS WORK.

I say that as a political stab and also as someone who learned that I don't have to let everyone in on my life. I don't need people knowing all about me. I mean certain people don't need to know that I have a scheduled Pre work crap or afternoon pee at 3. am and pm. I mean the whole world doesn't need to know that. They Also don't need to know that at one point in my life I thought toe jam was edible, I mean anything is edible but there are certain things that shouldn't be put in your mouth....ahhh a wise lesson I also learned a few years ago aha

I also, don't learn things the first go around, it takes a few hits or tries for me to be like, "ahh yes, this is a do not situation." I'm a quick learner, yes, but I also want to make sure of things haha.

The point I'm getting at is that I'm a grown ass 26 year old adult..and i was 24 when I discovered who I am. Don't get me wrong, people can change, but their core still stays the same. Just ask anyone I grew up with, I was down right awful, lipping off to any adult, getting suspended, cracking jokes when I wasn't supposed to. I mean I've learned that I need to keep my mouth shut when I'm at work, or presenting or giving a talk at church.... haha

So, bottom line..know who you are.

-Mel Flo