I can remember when I was in kindergarten and it had rained one day and the next day for recess I ran straight to the swings. We all know that swinging over puddles and jumping off the swing is what all the cool kids do. Me and another boy in my class had the coolest idea, lets see who could lean back in the swing the farthest and not get wet. Well that idea seem awesome at the time, but when I legitly backflipped out of the swing to land face down in a mud puddle. I was in shock, my mother was gonna be so mad, but what am I gonna do? I can't go back to class, I can't just walk home, and sitting in a puddle just seems sad. So I stood up walked into class and stared my teacher in the eye and said, "someone was in the bathroom and I couldn't wait." She did not find it funny so she called my mom. I remember the ugliest clothes my mom brought too, I'm pretty sure she knew I was showing off and wanted to push me off my high horse with these atrocious clothes. Yeah she won that battle my classmates made fun of me in my weird shoes and purple shirt. I hated that shirt so much.
I haven't ever had many friends, but when someone wants to hang out with me I take advantage of every opportunity, even if it playing outside in the snow. I have no idea why but we were out by the jungle gym and we wanted to see who could stick their tongue to the pole the longest. Two boys and two girls entered, four girls left. I have never seen a boy cry as much as one of these did. Instead of me getting a teacher with my very red tongue, I cheered for the boys to just rip it off. They did, and oh my goodness I had also never seen so much blood, I really thought it was cool. When asked why we did that, I said, "uh the kid that did it in that one movie was ok. You didn't have to call the fire department." The rest of my second grade year I and my three friends were very supervised at recess.
I'm just a walking hot mess. This really hit me hard when I was in high school. I hated everyone, and those who had the "pleasure" of talking with me knew this. Don't get me wrong I had fun my high school years, but I honestly couldn't wait to leave. All the dances and dates I had both were in a relationship with another girl and ended up kinda ditching me. So instead of sulking I talked to my buddies Ben and Jerry. Ben and Jerry were my best friends in high school, and SVU. Those three and I were unstoppable. We conquered college classes, coped with losing games, and learning that I wasn't going to be playing college ball. I can honestly say that I had seen every episode of SVU twice by the time I was a senior. I spent a lot of time in the library, no I didn't read any books. I watched SVU every Thursday and Tuesday from 1-3. Why in the world did any of my teachers not care where I was? Well, I graduated top of my class so I guess what ever I was doing was ok..
My siblings liked to pick on me growing up. Yeah, I seriously suffered from middle child syndrome. PEOPLE THIS IS A REAL THING the only treatment is more bullying. haha But seriously, by my siblings picking on me growing up I would not be the witty, drop dead gorgeous, smart, fantastically dressed woman I am today. Ok just witty. Like I said I'm a hot mess. There was this one time I was watching my little bro play in a basketball tournament and these two broads sat behind me. They were rooting for the other team. And progressively got louder and louder. So then they started to direct comments towards me. I was ok for the first few but finally towards the end of the game I got fed up. Left and right I was dodging these remarks and having OK comebacks. But then the ring leader ran out of good insults and said, "bye you ugly troll." and without hesitation "have you looked in a mirror?" My whole family went nuts! "OOOOOooooo" That was when my oldest brother put his arm around me and said, "you've made me proud. I've done my job as the older brother."
Apparently I'm a redneck when I'm at school. I mean I only wear my boots and jeans once a week. The rest of the week I'm wearing shorts or jeans and nikes... So I have no idea where the whole redneck fits in. Well, it was the first test of the year. And I had studied fairly hard for this. I did not want to get lower than a B. And This girl who completely bombed the test was throwing a fit. Imagine the most annoying basic white girl not getting her mocha frappe then times that by fifty. This girl was pissed she was asking everyone what they got on the test and didn't ask me. I wasn't worried. Then the kid next to me was like, "what you don't wanna know what Mel got?" "I already know I scored better than the redneck." Then I chimed in, "well this redneck got a 100% on the test you got 26% on." Then I snapped. My inner self really showed right then, my sarcastic sassy self. I watched as my professor laughed so hard his face turned red. This dude was in tears when he left the room. But what do you expect, I had been waiting all semester to shut that dumb girl up. One day the boy that sits next to me held my arm down so I wouldn't throw my book at her face. Guys, this girl is the kind of person who is always right and whatever you have to say is always wrong even if you're agreeing with them. And she always has to shoot her mouth off about anything and everything. Oh deary, Some. People's. Kids. Why is it that all the pretty ones are the dumb ones? Bless her soul. No, Bless her husband. I feel bad for the poor fella that lands that wagon of crazy. Who am I kidding. Heaven bless the poor fella that I sucker in to marrying this Hot Mess.
XO,
MelFlo
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