Why is it that we give our all to one person but never get it back in return? Why do we think that people really change? Do they really, or do we just see a side of them we didn't know was there all along.
Sometimes I feel stuck. Stuck in a spot that I want to get out of but feel that maybe if I'm in that spot long enough it'll work itself out. But will it, will I be happy in the end?
Here's the sitch: there's this guy. He's got the smile that makes me happy. He's got those eyes that you can get lost in and never want to find your way out of. He's got that little chuckle that turns into a silent laugh when he laughs too hard. He knows just what to say to cheer me up when all I want to do is cry. He gives the best hugs-better than a MelFlo Hug. But I feel that now we've been "on a break" we've grown closer. He dated other girls, I dated other guys but none were like him. We decided that through the break we would stop talking and cut most ties. But a few weeks ago he texted me, "I can't do it any longer." We got talking and decided that we could start hanging out but nothing more. But when I was going to get my endowments out he asked if he could be there. My heart said "yes" but my gut and head said "no." We went the rounds and kinda stopped talking but it was me who texted apologizing. It wasn't my place to tell someone who was worthy to go to the temple not to go. I just felt that with our history it was better if he didn't.
Now after talking and getting back into what feels like a relationship I don't know what to do. I feel like it's a road I don't want to go down again but I'm also wanting to take that chance that things have changed. I've listened to my heart way too much when it comes to him, but my brain has lied to me a few times. Like on that last final when I "knew" the correct answer to be B but it was actually "C"...
I feel like all the guys I dated I compared them to him. I feel like everything I do reminds me of him. I've tried to talk to him about my situation but he pleads a good case of, "I've changed; I've changed for you." And he has. But that was the MelFlo who could have cared less about anything in life and didn't give and effort into anything. Do I care too much now? My friends tell me he's toxic. They tell me he's bad news and not good enough for me. Am I just overthinking it all? Hmm forever confused and lost.
•MelFlo•
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