Trials And Triumphs

Its been a rough last couple of weeks. There has been a lot of ups and downs, filled with a lot of stress eczema. Haha, yes I get rashes from stressing out, and then I itch them over and over until my arms fall off. I didn't get the job back home, the deputy job. What had happened was I was able to complete all of my physical requirements but the mile and half run. After the quarter mile sprint, which I somehow miraculous made the time, I could not catch my breath nor could I think clearly. One of the guys that was running with me was a nationally certified paramedic, as soon as I finished running and sat down he came over and took my pulse. "You do not look alright." Yeah, I wasn't. Come to find out I had a racing pulse of 220 for over 45 minutes. And it would not come down. So after talking with those administering the tests, I was told it would not be in my best interest to run the mile and half. Which made me mad because I've trained for months for that run! So in the end I was pretty upset, more mad at myself. So I kinda went on hiatus for a little while. And by hiatus, I stopped posting on Facebook for three days.

After telling a few people what had happened and that I was advised to go see a cardiologist, many gave me the same advice. "There's a bigger plan for you, and this just a shortcoming along the way. Don't give up. Keep your chin up" It was kind of funny to see that a handful of people all had the same thing to say. 

I honestly could have thrown my hands up and lied down and quit. I wanted more than anything to punch a tree or blow up a car, but instead I had some awesome people reminding me of the "greater plan" and that everything works out for a reason. I wish more than anything that I had a better attitude about this whole thing but its like being kicked in the crotch and spit on. To have trained and studied for something that you want so much to have something this random happen. I wish I would have been more concerned about my health and whatnot but this was my dream, to be an officer and guess who felt as though I may have never become one....yeah, me.

But if there's anything that I have learned after this week straight organized from the devil himself, its that timing is everything. Its crazy that every letter Chris sends home he always reminds me to put my trust in the lord and know that his timing is everything and that he knows when the time is right. I figure it was just him trying to throw something "inspirational"  but for almost two months he's said that in EVERY letter. And I guess its taken a whole two months to realize that its not just for the big things but its also for the small details of my life. And whats funny, is that those things that I thought were "big" were only small. And it makes me laugh that Sometimes the things that are mole hills that we make to be mountains. Having great people who know what to say to calm me down, to remind me that this crazy thing called life has much more than what I know, and to keep me from giving up.