2Pac said it best when he said, "there's gonna be some stuff you gonna see that's gonna make is hard to smile in the future, but whatever you see, through rain and storms,you gotta keep your sense of humor." Bam, there you go. That's all one needs. Life is too short to take everything so damn serious.Laugh every once in a while, or even smile. Quit wasting time on the negative. I can't help but laugh. I don't think there has been a single day where I haven't laughed. I mean, I laugh at myself more than anyone else, which I personally agree with Chelsea Handler, "You gotta laugh at yourself before you laugh at anyone else."
Everyone thinks that everything is so damn serious, why? Granted there are times where you need to be serious but even then if you got that urge to giggle tell me how hard it is to not giggle? That's right boo boo, it's damn near impossible. That's probably why no one can ever take me serious. Like why is it that when I wanna joke around people wanna think that I am straight facing it, and on that rare occasion when I wanna be taken serious, people sit there and laugh?
There was this one time at work when I was telling some coworkers about this lady named Beverly who works at the grocery store that I get milk at and SHE IS ALWAYS THERE to check me out. Like hold up, its weird, this lady will be on checkout 4 and so I go to 8 and like a magician shes suddenly in checkout 8. So sometimes I like to tell myself that I just am drawn to her checkout without thinking. But that all changed when one time I made eye contact with her and she told a bagger to leave so she could bag my gallon of milk and oreos and make a comment on my milk and cookies, "hmm little old for milk and cookies?"
And like the smart ass I am, "you're never to old for milk and cookies take a look at santa."
Bev responded "oh come on now, you're old enough to know that Santa does NOT exhist."
"Yeah much like your opinion. Have a nice day BEV."
This old bag always has to make comments that's the point of my stories with her. And my coworkers are losing their crap over my stories. Its like I have a 67 year old stalker. Who enjoys when I stop at the store to get Nyquil. Bev, once made a comment on my purchase of Nyquil juice, rockstar, oreos, and milk. "Looks like someone is in for a lonely night on the couch."
I mean if it was socially acceptable to slap an old bad I sure would have. Like, "shut your mouth beverly, what gives you the right to judge me? Clearly I am not in the mood."
"Oh my, you sound worse than you look."
*deep sigh* you guys I couldn't make this freaking crap up. I mean I don't have this problem at DICKS. Those people already got my phone number memorized I'm in there so often. I mean Jasmine never makes comments about the workout clothes that I DO NOT workout in. She sees a thick girl doing her things and maybe one day she'll take those clothes outside the house to the gym. But do you hear her making comments like, "ooo cute clothes where you work out at?" or "ZZZZzzzzaaaaayum, gurl these joggers are so nice, do you run in the morning?" NO because, Jaz knows darn well that I only exercise at 2pm and that I DO NOT run, she knows. And she knows that she does not need to make comments. Jaz is the real MVP here. BEV may be her family's MVP but she may find her old lady Crown Victoria's bummer under my Jeep one day if she keeps making comments about my unhealthy addiction to Oreos and Milk.
I don't wanna be criticized for my poor life decisions, if I want that I'll just call up my mother. ahaha just kidding mamma, I know you're reading this. Everyone knows you're my favorite. But for real though, Since when is it ok for people to make comments about purchases. Like how do you do it? When I worked at a convenience store and sold contraceptive I felt retarded saying "have a good evening." Like of course they're gonna have a good night. Come on MelFlo, get it together. And when I wasn't rolling my eyes at myself I was forgetting to tell people thanks for coming to Mav, and then the customers call Customer Service and I get yelled at. I'm just one hot mess who can't get it together. But if it wasn't for me half of you people wouldn't have someone to laugh AT.
Lets be honest here, I'm making people laugh with my lit snapchat stories, my actual stories, or just any sarcastic comments coming out of my mouth-anything that comes out of my mouth actually. And for that I thank you for allowing me that pleasure of being enough of a ding dong for people to laugh at. YOU'RE WELCOME! But honestly, Bev if you're reading this, because you're a weird stalker, pleas ease up on the "Single, Eating Oreos And Oughta go Slow..er." like give a thick girl a break. I have an addiction and I do go to the gym, how you think I keep my round figure in check? I mean I go to the gym so I CAN eat Oreos. DANG. And JAZ you my girl!
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